Hey, Thanks! Will Do.

The folks at Investor’s Business Daily–or as I like to think of them, “Dad”–have recommended that we save their handy checklist of the Obamessiah’s many grand promises, for later checking and (this is from me) mocking.

Here are my faves (it was hard to choose), but they’re all howlers:

*  Give a tax break to 95% of Americans.  Most Americans don’t realize that that when Obama says “95%,” he really only means “95% of Americans who don’t own businesses (small or large) or invest in the stock market in any way (including 401ks) or file jointly with a working spouse.” 

*  “If you make under $250,000, you will not see your taxes increase by a single dime.  Not your income taxes, not your payroll taxes, not your capital gains taxes.  Nothing.“  Being a lawyer myself and trained to spot the wily parsings of the morally bereft in my trade, I read this as saying that I won’t be taxed an extra dime, but everything else–pennies, quarters, and thousands and thousands of dollars–well, that’s fair game!

*  Dramatically simplify tax filings so that millions of Americans will be able to do their taxes in less than five minutes.  Again, this requires a bit of knowledge and some reading between the lines: “millions of Americans” will no longer be required to pay the piddling taxes they once did, and many more millions will still be paying zero taxes, so of course their tax filings will be accomplished lickety-split!

*  Give American businesses a $3,000 tax credit for every job they create in the U.S.”   This one is a real side-splitter.  Does anyone really believe that Obamapaloozi Reid will actually give evil corporations tax credits for the thousands of jobs they create each year?  You might as well believe they’ll hand out free flying unicorns.

*  Eliminate oil imports from the Middle East in 10 years.  ORLY?  That’s a helluva task when you’re against domestic drilling, profitable foreign drilling, the coal industry (which is 50% of our nation’s energy supply right there), and nuclear energy.  But wait!  I forgot the flying unicorns we’ll all get for free–they eat negative energy and crap environmentally-friendly rainbows, so maybe this one is doable after all. 

*  Finish the fight against Osama bin Laden and the al-Qaida terrorists.  Just like that, huh?  Well, I guess complete and abject surrender might effect this one pretty quickly. 

*  Demand higher standards and more accountability from our teachers.  Pure comedy, this one.  Where would the Democrats be without the teachers’ unions?

*  Go through the budget, line by line, ending programs we don’t need and making the ones we do need work better and cost less.  The key word here is “need,” and how the meaning of “need” is determined.  I’m guessing that Obamapaloozi Reid will feel that military defense and intelligence programs will not be “needed.”  Great news for our enemies without (Iran, Russia, China, etc.) and within (welfare deadbeats and illegal immigrants).

*  Slash earmarks.  Now, that is just getting ridiculous.

*  Let the uninsured get the same kind of health insurance that members of Congress get.  I.e., health care completely funded by other taxpayers, who will now have to pay double to get the crappy insurance they already have (because of bloated government entitlement programs that drive up the costs of private and employer-funded insurance).