Fathers, Guard Your Daughters
Went to see Metallica last night, and first things first, let me tell you that it was incredible. Absolutely incredible. Blew my freakin’ mind, as well as my vocal cords: I can barely talk today.
I witnessed something else at the show that blew my mind, but in a distinctly non-awesome way.
I went to the concert with my brother, whose first child–a baby girl–just arrived in September. On the row right in front of us was a pre-teen girl, her teenage brother, and their dad, who had on a t-shirt with a Proverbs verse on it and was clearly loving and protective enough to be there with his kids, yet cool enough to take them to a Metallica show and do a little bit of rocking out himself. The girl, who we later found out was 13, looked to me to be about 12. Short and petite, obviously innocent, flat as a board. When she first arrived, it flashed through my head that she looked very much like Polly Klaas.
During the show a few times, I noticed that the girl turned her head and was smiling sweetly at someone behind me. I figured there was a teenage boy back there.
During one of the encore songs, my concentration was disrupted by a cell phone being passed in front of me to the girl, who entered a number on it and then passed it back to a guy on the row right behind me. Very attractive guy, but I thought, he looks a little too old for her. At this point, I was paying attention and trying to figure out how old he was–it’s hard to tell sometimes, but I thought he had to be at least 18. Definitely too old for her. She was standing in front of me, grinning at her phone and taking a picture of herself, which she sent back to him, and he returned one of himself. I watched this whole little photo transaction take place, and could see each of their pictures on the other’s phone screen. Starting to get agitated and disturbed at that point. The guy and his friend got out of there fast.
The concert ended, and my brother–God bless him–got the dad’s attention and said, “Sir, I have a brand-new daughter, and I just think you should know that a guy back there just got your daughter’s cell phone number, and he has a wristband on so he is definitely over 21.”
!!! I had not seen the wristband.
The dad was shocked, and said to my brother, “She is only 13 years old.” The girl made a lame attempt to pretend that she didn’t know what my brother was talking about, but she was clearly in for it later (or so I devoutly hope). My brother leaned over to her and said, “He looks like a douchebag to me. You shouldn’t talk to a loser like that.” As I said, God bless him.
What chilled me was that this was done right under her father’s nose. While he was standing right next to his daughter, whom he obviously loved and wished to protect, a sexual predator got her phone number and a picture of her. And believe me, this child did not look a day over 12, and could pass for 10 or 11.
Dads, guard your daughters. Don’t be afraid to scrutinize their cell phone and computer activity. And to everyone else: please, please, please be vigilant and don’t be afraid to intrude when you see this type of situation. If it weren’t for my brother, the dad would’ve never known what was happening.
Sweet dear Jesus, there is nothing safe or sacred in this world.
November 24, 2008 at 4:12 am
Wow, as the father of 10th and 12th grade girls that is especially chilling.
That was very, very cool of your brother to do that.
November 25, 2008 at 8:36 am
Ditto Neil about your brother.
As we discussed on the phone, some of this is due to the fact that young girls have access to things like cell phones and computers. While children see these things as aiding their independence, they don’t understand that parental protection is not just a pain in the butt, but a very sensible thing.
When I was growing up, I was never allowed a phone in my room. I could carry the handset to my room while I was chatting, but the phones stayed downstairs. My parents always knew who was calling (not the content of the calls, but who the people were). Sometimes, they would chat briefly – “Hi, Amy, how are you? How’s school? [etc]“. There was none of this business of invisible friends, guys they didn’t know about, etc.
I can’t help think that we’re expecting our daughters (in the general, not the “Theo is a mom” sense) to protect themselves from predators. It’s like removing the fence from around the lambs.
November 26, 2008 at 1:45 am
Theo, you are spot-on as usual.
So many parents today are terrified of irritating or angering their children, which I don’t get at all. Everything from slutty and inappropriately expensive clothes, ridiculous beauty regimens (regular mani/pedis and $200 haircuts? Really?), and unlimited cell phone and computer access…..how can people be so stupid and careless?
November 26, 2008 at 1:52 am
“how can people be so stupid and careless?”
Lots of practice?
I would never let my kids surf without an Internet filter. They didn’t have Myspace pages, but they do have Facebook – though that was conditional on them making us “friends.” I actually enjoy their humor on their pages and try not to be a glee-killer (as my youngest daughter sometimes accuses me of doing, i.e., “You killed the glee.”).